I Got Called A Carpet Muncher At Disney World...

Last night we had more required family TV viewing.  This time, UncleR and I sat down with J and we all watched "My Kids Would Never...Bully", a Dateline NBC special.  Dateline used hidden cameras to capture the response that kids have to other kids being bullied when they believe no adults are watching. 

I can sum up the bullying styles of the kids on the show (and kids in general) in a few sentences:  Girls tended to target other girls' looks and weight, focusing on their physical appearance and/or characteristics.  Boys tended to target other boys' sexuality.  The boys steered clear of calling other boys "fat" or "ugly" and instead often used words such as "faggot" or "gay" to bully, whether the boy was gay or not.

We turned to J during the show and asked if he observed many kids being bullied at school.  His response was "No."  But when we asked if he specifically heard boys calling other boys "fag", "faggot", or "gay", his response was, "Yea.  All of the time."  When we questioned why J didn't initially reveal these instances of bullying after he was asked if he observed others being bullied at school, he responded by saying that he didn't realize that this type of behavior was bullying because it happens so often. 

I'll say this...J has had years of bully-prevention training...both in school and at home.  J has been bullied himself.  He knows that the words he hears at school are unacceptable.  And we've had conversations before about how people use words such as "gay" or "lesbian" in derogatory ways.  We went on to discuss these specific terms being used to bully others, and how we all should respond to bullies.  I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, we expect J to steer clear of the behavior he observes and instead, we hope that he speaks up for those who are bullied...something all parents hope from their children. 

In order to personalize our anti-bullying message to J, we recounted a situation which we had encountered only last year during a family trip to Disney.  That's right, Disney World...the "happiest place on earth"...

UncleR, J, Big C and myself were exiting through the rear doors of our Disney World resort.  It was our last day before we flew home, and we were ending a magical (heh) week of theme parks, food and fireworks.  As we were exiting through the doors, a couple (man and woman) were walking across the length of the doors in front of us.  All of us "collided" at the doors.  Oops!  A simple "excuse us" would have been appropriate, but no one was attempting to shove anyone out of the way.

Instead, what followed was like something out of junior high school. 

The woman and her tiny hubby (and I'm calling him tiny, not because he was pint-sized (although he was), but because he was a tiny, tiny man in regards to his ignorance) became enraged over our "run-in" at the doors.  The run-in was nobody's fault, not ours, nor theirs.  But, the Mrs. took it upon herself to come to the rescue of her hubby.  She screeched at UncleR:  "YOU ALMOST RAN OVER MY HUSBAND!  WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!"

At first, UncleR and I had the same reaction.  Sort of a "What the fuck?!?" moment.  But the woman continued...

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!  YOU ALMOST RAN OVER MY HUSBAND!"  Mini-Hubby stood behind her and said nothing.

UncleR sort of rolled her eyes and said something to the effect of:  "Hey, we're just trying to get out of the doors.  We didn't mean to run into you."  But the screecher continued.  "WELL WATCH OUT!"

It was annoying.  We weren't matching their level of anger, but we were annoyed at the freaky, over-protective wife going crazy while sheltering her apparently helpless hubby.  So, as we scooted around them, I believe UncleR said, very quietly, under her breath, "Hey.  We're sorry.  We're just trying to leave.  Have a nice fuckin' day."

And that's when Mr. Ignorant chose to speak up.  He chased us out of the doors of the hotel and began screeching in the same tenor as his wife: 

"DON'T SPEAK TO MY WIFE LIKE THAT!  YOU LESBEEEEANS!  LESBIANS!!!!  YOU FUCKING CARPET MUNCHERS!  LESBIANS!  CARPET MUNCHERS!"

And as we walked away, he continued to follow us.  And now and only now, I got pissed.  Not an "I'm going to get physical" sort of angry, but an "I've had enough" anger. 

I vaguely remember UncleR telling teeny hubby to quit following us and to leave her alone.  She said no more than that.  But I had had enough.

I turned around to Mr. Ignorant, as he continued to hurl gay slurs and told him very simply to "Stop and go back inside."  I said it several times, while I guided my family away from the hotel.  I faced him directly, while walking backwards, and repeatedly told him to return himself and his wife to the confines of the hotel. 

And then it was over.  Mrs. Pterodactyl dragged Mini-Hubby into the hotel.  We were shocked and angry.  But more shocked than anything. 

The best part of the whole ordeal was as we continued to walk away from the hotel, a bystander (and there were many people watching) muttered to us under his breath, "He sure was short!"  It was his way of letting us know that he was on "our side"...and UncleR and I laughed...hard. 

So yesterday, as we recounted this incident from last year to J, we talked to him in depth about Mini-Hubby's use of gay slurs. 

Why are "gay" or "lesbian" and all of their verbal equivalents used as derogatory terms?  Why do we allow what or whom we are to be used as weapons against us?  We've taught our children that it is acceptable to use these words as weapons.  And worse, children see these words as weapons and feel the impact of these words when they're used to express cruelty.  No one need remind us about the countless suicides amongst gay youths after they're tormented by others over their sexuality. 

What we told J yesterday and throughout all of our past conversations, is that "gay" is not a derogatory term unless you make it so.  It is his duty, as well as our responsibility as a society, to teach our children not to bully, and specifically, that it is unacceptable to use a person's sexuality as a weapon. 

As I think back to Mini-Hubby and his wife, I wonder why a grown man used "lesbian" as a pejorative.  Did he think we weren't aware that we are gay?  Who did he think he was offending by calling us "carpet munchers"?  Certainly not this dyke. 



***The use of the term "Mini-Hubby is not meant to reference anyone's size.  Instead, it refers to the size of the ignorant mind within the adult male who hurled slurs at us at Disney World.  Apparently, the happiest place on earth wasn't happy for him.***